Prom

Prom is supposed to be a fun time with no worries but no not when you are hosting it. I am hosting and it sucks! Nobody tried to help me and when they didn't help me and when I made the plans I was told I made the wrong plans. Then they invite people that I specifically said I didn't want them there. Since they were the one who invited this girl I told my friend she had to be the one who tells her she isn't invited to sleepover, but my friend keeps saying she doesn't want to. You invited her she's your responsibility! Anyway so prom happened yesterday my dress looked gorgeous, but as we left the restaurant we ate at my zipper busted open so we made an emergency run to my friends house where we pinned it shut. We went to prom where I got to see basically all the guys I used to have "things" with there with their dates while I was all alone. When mine and my friends jam "Talk Dirty" came on one of my best girlfriends and I danced "dirty", so all the boys that didn't ask me missed out on seeing that. I got asked to slow dance by the guy who tried to ask me to homecoming this year the day after the guy I was dating at the time asked me, and we literally hadn't talked since he asked me, so that was kinda awkward. The hypnotist we had at post prom was AMAZING. And that's a brief synopsis of my prom!
Xoxo Megan

Me in the car before prom

My dress & hair

All the girls

Long Distance

So hey guys.. I'm going out of my mind about space. Mostly because a friend of mine's boyfriend lives in a different town in Iowa and he's like a couple hours or so away, and I hate how much that pains my friend. I know that they love each other a lot but I also see how frustrating it is for both of them to not know when they will see each other next and only being able to text and snap chat and face time which is the are minimum of seeing each other. I'm not saying long distance doesn't work I'm sure it does if you love each other enough, but I am saying that it sucks. And if I didn't know that by seeing my friend go through that I'm starting to experience it myself which is a terrible mistake, but it's happening sort of I don't actually know what's going on. I met this guy online and I know beware of catfish's and shit like that but I met him on an app called whisper which isn't like a regular website there''s no reason to pretend to be someone else, but that's beside the point. So I met this guy and m god is he gorgeous, but he's also so freaking sweet I can't handle it. Well we started talking and I found out he has been to my town many times and routes for my town's college which is just a bonus. Downside he is from a totally different state, and until yesterday was studying in France so when we talked I was at school and he was just getting home from school or I'd e eating dinner and he'd be going to bed because it was so far ahead making it so hard to talk. And today we stared snap chatting and damn I forgot how hot he is! He thinks I'm beautiful and has called me princess and I can't handle how much I'm starting to fall especially considering he's so far away... Did I mention he's single... What should I do? I need help... At the same time though I don't want to not talk to him... Help!
Xoxo Megan

Friendship

Ok so let's discuss friendship and the drama that goes with it. I have had my trust betrayed too many times to count. I had a friend let's call her.. Anna (not her actual name) So Anna and I were friends my freshman year and she betrayed my trust then by talking shit about the relationship at the time. So I stopped being friends with her.. Fast forward to the end of my sophomore early junior year, Anna and I are friends again and I feel that she has changed. So we are close and I tell her my secrets only to find out she's been telling all my secrets to another girl let's call her Amanda. So Anna and Amanda are off gossiping about me and all my other friends. When we stopped telling her things she kept going on about how she wanted us to trust her and how she would never want to betray our trust, but what did she always do? BETRAY OUR TRUST! So now I'm not friends with her and I bet she's probably talking shit about me to everyone who will listen... But get this I found out from one of my friends that over the summer when Anna & I were supposedly friends that when my friend told her I was talking to some guy he started cry and said that I'm "way less attractive then her so why should I get to talk to guys" so yeah when we were friends she called me ugly and said I didn't deserve to talk to guys... Classy. Funny considering never putting yourself out there means you probably won't talk to many guys just saying...

Depression & Anxiety

So as most of you know I used to be suicidal and I still struggle with depression. Well I'm struggling right now and I don't really know what to do because there is no reason for it and that pisses me off like there is no reason! Like what the fuck!? I think it's partially because I've been feeling lonely even though I know that breaking up with my ex was the right thing to do still it doesn't mean I want to be alone. I'm sick of being the friend who helps guys get the girls they want when they are the guys I could want it's so frustrating! Like why do I have to want everyone else to be happy but I don't seem to want myself to be happy! I can't stand myself. I'm just kinda done trying. I'm done chasing after any guys if they want me come get me (but be gentlemen). I'm just done putting people who don't care about me ahead of myself.
Xoxo Megan

Blabbering

Guys I have a problem I have this dream of a perfect guy that I can't seem to get out of my head and it's not like my what I want in a guy or the crush because I don't really have a crush anymore. I have this picture of a guy in my head but I can't really see his face he has dark dark hair and he is tall and he wears plaid with a superhero t-shirt underneath, jeans and converse. And he makes me laugh and feel safe and our hands just fit together perfectly. It's all I can think about because like I don't feel desperate like I want to be single (or at least I don't want to rush into something with the wrong guy) but I just can't get this shit out of my head! I want him to exist right now I want him to be here and I want to like want to get all dressed up for him and have him just be like wow, but at the same time when I'm scrubbing it I want him to be like "Hey sexy;)". This is what I want I want a guy that always makes me feel special but is my best friend. But I don't think he exists in my life right now... And that makes me really sad because I feel like he just should like I can picture him for the most part but other than that he's just in my imagination...
Xoxo Megan

Break Ups

So I really didn't want to have to write this but I feel it necessary considering I have shared so much of my life with all of you already, but This past week I broke up with my boyfriend and it was something I had wrestled with it for a couple of days. I had gone away for the weekend for thanksgiving at my aunts house. It sort of kick started in my head wondering if the relationship was right when I told him I was leaving for the weekend and he was all "I won't see you for three weeks omg even though we see each other at school everyday we won't be able to hang out outside of school"... I'm one of those girls who it's like oh we are hanging out? cool, oh you want a boys night? awesome that means I get a guilt free girls night, oh you pulled some super fun thing to do out of your ass? even better. I'm not a needy girlfriend and I can't handle a needy boyfriend!! I'm not that girl that has to talk to a boy 24/7, like yeah it's really fun when you are first getting to know each other and you text all the time and you never get bored of each other. That phase wears off and for me it wore off quickly... I like to sit at home and watch netflix, or when its super nice out I want you to be like wanna go get snowcones? (I love being outside but not when it's colder than frosty the snowman's balls!) I like being at my grandparents because I get to drive his gator and do target practice with his guns that's the kind of girl I am but don't think that means I don't like to look pretty while doing it. I had lost the want to look pretty for him I found myself constantly wearing sweats. You know that feeling when you like someone and the thought of seeing them gives you butterflies and you like that feeling because it means you're excited I never had that... Back to the story.. We were very different and not in a good opposites attract way. And it didn't exactly help that a cute boy who is best friends with my friends ex texted me that and he's really cool and more similar to me so that made it all kind of spiral. I talked to my friends and got their opinions and well we broke up the next day... But I'm not sad I think we both need people more similar ad who enjoy our stupid little quarks. That's all for now join me later to find out what I want in guy ;)
Xoxo Megan

My Sister

So I have a sister only one and I'm pretty sure she thinks that she is the absolute center of the god forsaken universe. I love her I do but goddamn I cannot stand her! She is the biggest stereotype she's blonde, blue eyed, a sorority girl, a cheerleader. I can't stand it I'm nothing like her. Well the other day she backhanded me because I misted her with water my parents said nothing. It hurt like a son of a bitch and all I've wanted to do since is punch her in the face. If she was in my grade I would be no where near her ever. But she's my sister so I have to love her... I'm real sick of her "you're weird because you don't like to go out and be social" shit. I don't like to go out because of the huge amount of anxiety I have... Just because I'm not the same as you does not mean I am wrong. Fuck you if you think anyone is wrong because they are different. Well that's all for this time folks.
Xoxo Megan

Drama

So let's talk some old drama of mine drama I don't have to really deal with but still drama. She was extremely selfish and all she seemed to care about was having a boyfriend. The beginning of sophomore year my friend Liz and her boyfriend had been broken up for a little while and they were friends but not really anyway, she claimed to be Liz's best friend was flirting with Liz's boyfriend like wtf girl code rule #1 the ex is always off limits!!! DUH! Then a few months later once she was over Liz's ex she started flirting with Austin (he and I had broken up for a while last year) I found out she was flirting with him the day I had left for vacation. She claimed to be my friend. At this point I was so sick of her shit so I was done being her friend. Well she didn't even stop she went on to do the same thing to my acquaintance Hannah? WHO THE HELL JUST GOES AROUND HITTING ON THEIR "BEST FRIEND'S" EX'S?!?!?! Needless to say we aren't really friends anymore. That doesn't mean that we are mean to her we are all in the same girl scout troop (not Hannah) so we are nice to her. That's my life
Xoxo Megan

My Exhausted Life and The Drama That Goes With It

Soooo I know I haven't posted in a while and I am very sorry I've been utterly exhausted because I think I'm getting sick and my anemia is killing me. This will not stop me from posting though! So let me tell you the story of yesterday. This will take a little bit of a back story... I have this friend Sarah and she is adorable, I love her I really do. A few days back she looks at me in english and says "your boyfriend I'd date him." this made me laugh so hard so I respond with "That's funny but he loves me sooooo yeah" she then says "that's just cause he hasn't met me yet" which I thought was sooo funny. The next day she went on his facebook then his brother's facebook then his brother's fiance's facebook and then his step mom's facebook... STALKER but it was still funny. Austin, my boyfriend, thought that this was funny but creepy considering he doesn't actually know Sarah. Well yesterday she says to me "You should give me Austin's number but not tell him it's me that'd be funny" I replied with "Yeah no Sarah that's where I draw the line." and she laughed it off. I thought she had dropped it but then at lunch I got a text from Austin saying "Sarah sent me 64 texts in less than 5 min" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! I had absolutely no idea where she got his number I didn't give it to her, I knew my friends who have Austin's number wouldn't give it to her I was pissed. So I texted Sarah "Sarah who the hell gave you Austin's number?" She tries to tell me she got it online when I know he doesn't have it on his facebook or anything. I found out she got it from one of my exfriends who got it out of my friends phone without him knowing. This exfriend is an EXfriend for a reason she's a total bitch who always tried to flirt with Austin in front of me and then tell me we were "so cute together". So now this bitch Ashley has Austin's number and I'm not happy because I thought I was done with all her shit... Turns out no, but I'll be fine if I have to I'll cut a bitch. Well that was yesterday for me. I promise I'll post more often.
xoxo Megan