Depression & Anxiety

So as most of you know I used to be suicidal and I still struggle with depression. Well I'm struggling right now and I don't really know what to do because there is no reason for it and that pisses me off like there is no reason! Like what the fuck!? I think it's partially because I've been feeling lonely even though I know that breaking up with my ex was the right thing to do still it doesn't mean I want to be alone. I'm sick of being the friend who helps guys get the girls they want when they are the guys I could want it's so frustrating! Like why do I have to want everyone else to be happy but I don't seem to want myself to be happy! I can't stand myself. I'm just kinda done trying. I'm done chasing after any guys if they want me come get me (but be gentlemen). I'm just done putting people who don't care about me ahead of myself.
Xoxo Megan

What I Like in a Guy

Let's start with a list shall we, no particular order I'll dive further into it in a moment
1. Funny
2. Sweet
3. Kind
4. Isn't a huge slacker
5. Likes to cuddle but isn't annoyingly touchy feely
6. Good looking
7. Active
8. Someone I can be comfortable with but still excited to see
9. My best friend but also someone I love
10. Not full of themselves
11. Doesn't text a bunch of other girls all the time

So those are some of the things I want in a guy. I want someone who makes me laugh because my dad is so funny and I love to laugh. Sweet because who wants to date an asshole? Same with kind. Even though I'm in high school I don't really want to be with someone who slacks off and doesn't care about school or where they are going with their lives. I'm not hugely touchy feely but I want someone who wants to hug and kiss and cuddle but not like on me while I'm trying to talk to my friends or whatever. Don't even try to call me a bitch for wanting someone good looking, everybody wants someone they find some what good looking. We all know physical attraction is what makes you want to talk to someone in the first place! I like active because I'm active and if the guy is sitting around while I'm out I feel awful. I love the nervous feeling when you see someone you like but you still comfortably talk to them. I want someone I can tell my secrets to but still finds me sexy and attractive. I personally find humble very attractive having a massive ego is a huge turn off! Texting like 5 other girls when you're dating me is a massive deal breaker sorry but no. That's what I want in a guy.
Xoxo Megan

Break Ups

So I really didn't want to have to write this but I feel it necessary considering I have shared so much of my life with all of you already, but This past week I broke up with my boyfriend and it was something I had wrestled with it for a couple of days. I had gone away for the weekend for thanksgiving at my aunts house. It sort of kick started in my head wondering if the relationship was right when I told him I was leaving for the weekend and he was all "I won't see you for three weeks omg even though we see each other at school everyday we won't be able to hang out outside of school"... I'm one of those girls who it's like oh we are hanging out? cool, oh you want a boys night? awesome that means I get a guilt free girls night, oh you pulled some super fun thing to do out of your ass? even better. I'm not a needy girlfriend and I can't handle a needy boyfriend!! I'm not that girl that has to talk to a boy 24/7, like yeah it's really fun when you are first getting to know each other and you text all the time and you never get bored of each other. That phase wears off and for me it wore off quickly... I like to sit at home and watch netflix, or when its super nice out I want you to be like wanna go get snowcones? (I love being outside but not when it's colder than frosty the snowman's balls!) I like being at my grandparents because I get to drive his gator and do target practice with his guns that's the kind of girl I am but don't think that means I don't like to look pretty while doing it. I had lost the want to look pretty for him I found myself constantly wearing sweats. You know that feeling when you like someone and the thought of seeing them gives you butterflies and you like that feeling because it means you're excited I never had that... Back to the story.. We were very different and not in a good opposites attract way. And it didn't exactly help that a cute boy who is best friends with my friends ex texted me that and he's really cool and more similar to me so that made it all kind of spiral. I talked to my friends and got their opinions and well we broke up the next day... But I'm not sad I think we both need people more similar ad who enjoy our stupid little quarks. That's all for now join me later to find out what I want in guy ;)
Xoxo Megan