Depression & Anxiety

So as most of you know I used to be suicidal and I still struggle with depression. Well I'm struggling right now and I don't really know what to do because there is no reason for it and that pisses me off like there is no reason! Like what the fuck!? I think it's partially because I've been feeling lonely even though I know that breaking up with my ex was the right thing to do still it doesn't mean I want to be alone. I'm sick of being the friend who helps guys get the girls they want when they are the guys I could want it's so frustrating! Like why do I have to want everyone else to be happy but I don't seem to want myself to be happy! I can't stand myself. I'm just kinda done trying. I'm done chasing after any guys if they want me come get me (but be gentlemen). I'm just done putting people who don't care about me ahead of myself.
Xoxo Megan

My Family Plan & my current job

I work at an at home daycare and I love it. The kids are all so sweet and they love me so much! I love that I'm excited to go to work, and that I don't dread my job.  All I've wanted since I was little like kindergarten is to be a mom. When I was in kindergarten I told my mo that I wanted to have 100 babies and when she told me I couldn't that it wasn't possible I said "that's ok mommy I'll start now!" I was 5 years old and wanted to have 100 babies! As elementary school progressed I brought that number down to 12 and that number stuck for awhile. In middle school it went down to 6 and that number stuck all through middle school it was a good number 3 girls 3 boys that's what I wanted. I never really thought of names like some girls though. Some girls have names and how apart the kids will be, but I'm not like that. I have one name picked out I will be naming my first daughter Quinn Elizabeth after Quinn from my earlier post.  Now I'm a junior in high school and I want 4 kids and I think that's where it will stay because I only have one sister and I hate it I mean I love my sister but I wish I had more siblings. I hope to have 2 boys and 2 girls and I hope I will be making enough money to adopt 2 kids. That's my family plan. If it wasn't obvious my plan also includes a husband I really don't plan on doing all that on my own.
xoxo Megan