Depression & Anxiety

So as most of you know I used to be suicidal and I still struggle with depression. Well I'm struggling right now and I don't really know what to do because there is no reason for it and that pisses me off like there is no reason! Like what the fuck!? I think it's partially because I've been feeling lonely even though I know that breaking up with my ex was the right thing to do still it doesn't mean I want to be alone. I'm sick of being the friend who helps guys get the girls they want when they are the guys I could want it's so frustrating! Like why do I have to want everyone else to be happy but I don't seem to want myself to be happy! I can't stand myself. I'm just kinda done trying. I'm done chasing after any guys if they want me come get me (but be gentlemen). I'm just done putting people who don't care about me ahead of myself.
Xoxo Megan

Family

I come from an averaged size family I have one sister and my two parents but on my moms side I have 4 cousins and 5 aunts and uncles. On my dads side I have 3 like "step cousins" and 2 real cousins and just 2 aunts and uncles. So it's not huge but it feels big when we are together. But I'm the youngest on my mom's side so I'm always treated like a baby and that kinda sucks but I deal with it. On my mom's side everyone is very critical and very obnoxious and it's hard for me to deal with but I love them and they're my family so whatever I guess... I have nothing to talk about so any suggestions email me at justyouraverageteengirl522@gmail.com please! 
Xoxo Megan

Sleepovers!!!

I'm sleeping over at my best friends house tonight and I'm so fucking pumped because my friends and I haven't had a sleepover in forever! If you have ever wondered what girls do at a sleepover I'm about to fill you in. We laze around and watch movies eating more food than you probably thought was humanly possible because fuck it we'll eat what we want we're all single aint got nobody to impress regularly! We wear sweats and our hair is messy, we usually don't have make up on, and we just laugh and have fun. We created a vine account you should all follow called white girls vine. It's super funny. We've decided to call Fridays that we hang out Fat Fridays :)

Xoxo Megan

Blabbering

Guys I have a problem I have this dream of a perfect guy that I can't seem to get out of my head and it's not like my what I want in a guy or the crush because I don't really have a crush anymore. I have this picture of a guy in my head but I can't really see his face he has dark dark hair and he is tall and he wears plaid with a superhero t-shirt underneath, jeans and converse. And he makes me laugh and feel safe and our hands just fit together perfectly. It's all I can think about because like I don't feel desperate like I want to be single (or at least I don't want to rush into something with the wrong guy) but I just can't get this shit out of my head! I want him to exist right now I want him to be here and I want to like want to get all dressed up for him and have him just be like wow, but at the same time when I'm scrubbing it I want him to be like "Hey sexy;)". This is what I want I want a guy that always makes me feel special but is my best friend. But I don't think he exists in my life right now... And that makes me really sad because I feel like he just should like I can picture him for the most part but other than that he's just in my imagination...
Xoxo Megan

Winter Break

So winter break is just around the corner I only have to make it to friday and then I'm done! Unfortunately I have finals after break so I get to study all break and feel stressed weeeeeee! How about no. I have so many test and quizzes this week its unreal I've already taken 2 and I have a test in Algebra on Friday and a Physics quiz! why are my teachers trying to kill me!? My algebra teacher has given so much homework and when I was talking to this guy this is what he said about my teacher "She is trying to kill us she tests our endurance by this thing she calls "homework" then weeds out the failures. Next she makes the victors compete in the warfare of "finals" only one shall pass" Haha best thing ever! I almost died when he sent that to me. Well school still sucks!
Xoxo Megan

Having a Crush

Crushes are awesome because it's kind of the whole getting to know you phase, and if they flirt and shit it's great but sometimes if you are romantically challenged it takes a lot to know if someone is flirting with you. On the other hand if you don't think they might like you back it's hell simply because you just don't know. I hate the whole not knowing thing it drives me up the wall. Crushes are stupid an they are called crushes because they crush you when they don't work out.
Xoxo Megan

This is so accurate

Clothes at School

So I've picked up a few things in high school especially with how people dress, and I'd like to tell you all about it. We have the girls who wear super cute nice clothes basically everyday they are either super self conscious and that's just how they feel comfortable orrrrr they are a total stuck up snob and you can usually tell like the first few days you see them. There are people who wear sweats everyday and those people are either total slackers or they are super cool and just don't give a fuck about how they dress. There are people like me who wear a hoodie with basically everything because they put comfort first. Then you have the jocks who are super proud of the fact that they are jocks and they wear some sort of sports apparel everyday like damn wear a different shirt man (but if its a boy it's kinda cute, depends on personality). Lastly the people who dress crazy and I do mean crazy there is a girl at my school with hair longer than mine who spikes it into a mohawk. That's really all I have to say.
Xoxo Megan

What I Like in a Guy

Let's start with a list shall we, no particular order I'll dive further into it in a moment
1. Funny
2. Sweet
3. Kind
4. Isn't a huge slacker
5. Likes to cuddle but isn't annoyingly touchy feely
6. Good looking
7. Active
8. Someone I can be comfortable with but still excited to see
9. My best friend but also someone I love
10. Not full of themselves
11. Doesn't text a bunch of other girls all the time

So those are some of the things I want in a guy. I want someone who makes me laugh because my dad is so funny and I love to laugh. Sweet because who wants to date an asshole? Same with kind. Even though I'm in high school I don't really want to be with someone who slacks off and doesn't care about school or where they are going with their lives. I'm not hugely touchy feely but I want someone who wants to hug and kiss and cuddle but not like on me while I'm trying to talk to my friends or whatever. Don't even try to call me a bitch for wanting someone good looking, everybody wants someone they find some what good looking. We all know physical attraction is what makes you want to talk to someone in the first place! I like active because I'm active and if the guy is sitting around while I'm out I feel awful. I love the nervous feeling when you see someone you like but you still comfortably talk to them. I want someone I can tell my secrets to but still finds me sexy and attractive. I personally find humble very attractive having a massive ego is a huge turn off! Texting like 5 other girls when you're dating me is a massive deal breaker sorry but no. That's what I want in a guy.
Xoxo Megan

Break Ups

So I really didn't want to have to write this but I feel it necessary considering I have shared so much of my life with all of you already, but This past week I broke up with my boyfriend and it was something I had wrestled with it for a couple of days. I had gone away for the weekend for thanksgiving at my aunts house. It sort of kick started in my head wondering if the relationship was right when I told him I was leaving for the weekend and he was all "I won't see you for three weeks omg even though we see each other at school everyday we won't be able to hang out outside of school"... I'm one of those girls who it's like oh we are hanging out? cool, oh you want a boys night? awesome that means I get a guilt free girls night, oh you pulled some super fun thing to do out of your ass? even better. I'm not a needy girlfriend and I can't handle a needy boyfriend!! I'm not that girl that has to talk to a boy 24/7, like yeah it's really fun when you are first getting to know each other and you text all the time and you never get bored of each other. That phase wears off and for me it wore off quickly... I like to sit at home and watch netflix, or when its super nice out I want you to be like wanna go get snowcones? (I love being outside but not when it's colder than frosty the snowman's balls!) I like being at my grandparents because I get to drive his gator and do target practice with his guns that's the kind of girl I am but don't think that means I don't like to look pretty while doing it. I had lost the want to look pretty for him I found myself constantly wearing sweats. You know that feeling when you like someone and the thought of seeing them gives you butterflies and you like that feeling because it means you're excited I never had that... Back to the story.. We were very different and not in a good opposites attract way. And it didn't exactly help that a cute boy who is best friends with my friends ex texted me that and he's really cool and more similar to me so that made it all kind of spiral. I talked to my friends and got their opinions and well we broke up the next day... But I'm not sad I think we both need people more similar ad who enjoy our stupid little quarks. That's all for now join me later to find out what I want in guy ;)
Xoxo Megan

My Sister

So I have a sister only one and I'm pretty sure she thinks that she is the absolute center of the god forsaken universe. I love her I do but goddamn I cannot stand her! She is the biggest stereotype she's blonde, blue eyed, a sorority girl, a cheerleader. I can't stand it I'm nothing like her. Well the other day she backhanded me because I misted her with water my parents said nothing. It hurt like a son of a bitch and all I've wanted to do since is punch her in the face. If she was in my grade I would be no where near her ever. But she's my sister so I have to love her... I'm real sick of her "you're weird because you don't like to go out and be social" shit. I don't like to go out because of the huge amount of anxiety I have... Just because I'm not the same as you does not mean I am wrong. Fuck you if you think anyone is wrong because they are different. Well that's all for this time folks.
Xoxo Megan

Self Image and Self Harm

So as most of you know if you have read my previous posts that I used to self harm. It's in my past but I don't exactly love talking about it, it was a really hard time for me... If you currently self harm I want you to know that even if you think no one cares about you that I do and that you can email me if you need someone to talk to email me at
justyouraverageteengirl522@gmail.com
  (As I'm writing this very serious post I hear my Dad in the other room fart and tell my dog "ohhh heheh yes Daisy dats a fart, dats a real fart" I can't handle my family) Anyway self harm is not something to be taken lightly there are many girls at my school who self harm for attention and that makes me really upset being someone who did it because you feel like you need to feel something because you literally just feel empty like nothing matters and all you want to do is sleep. I have a very poor self image I don't think of myself as beautiful and I never have but I tell myself I'm beautiful and it sort of helps. I understand that it's difficult to see yourself as attractive but you are and someone is out there is looking for exactly what you have to offer. Please email me if you ever want to talk.
Xoxo Megan

Food

I AM SO GODDAMN HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I BARELY FUCKING SLEPT LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!! (pardon my language) Last night I couldn't sleep and I kept feeling freezing then sweating and I just can't. I don't think I slept for more than 3 minute intervals! I was falling asleep in spanish 3. I'm starving I wasn't hungry when I first got up so I didn't eat breakfast and now I'm in my school library eating candy.... It's not enough. Why am I not at home.... Sleeping. Sorry this post sucks.
Xoxo Megan

Drama

So let's talk some old drama of mine drama I don't have to really deal with but still drama. She was extremely selfish and all she seemed to care about was having a boyfriend. The beginning of sophomore year my friend Liz and her boyfriend had been broken up for a little while and they were friends but not really anyway, she claimed to be Liz's best friend was flirting with Liz's boyfriend like wtf girl code rule #1 the ex is always off limits!!! DUH! Then a few months later once she was over Liz's ex she started flirting with Austin (he and I had broken up for a while last year) I found out she was flirting with him the day I had left for vacation. She claimed to be my friend. At this point I was so sick of her shit so I was done being her friend. Well she didn't even stop she went on to do the same thing to my acquaintance Hannah? WHO THE HELL JUST GOES AROUND HITTING ON THEIR "BEST FRIEND'S" EX'S?!?!?! Needless to say we aren't really friends anymore. That doesn't mean that we are mean to her we are all in the same girl scout troop (not Hannah) so we are nice to her. That's my life
Xoxo Megan

Being Sick :(

Soooo I'm sick right now and yuck. I'm snotty and coughing and I feel like absolute shit. Like my life is kind of a shit storm right now... I think I'm going to stay home tomorrow because life... I'm so tired right now like how am I functioning... Sorry if this post totally sucks since I'm sick.. I don't understand how life happens like how do people actually function during times of sickness??? I don't know. That's all I have to say today. I'll post better soon
Xoxo Megan

My Family Plan & my current job

I work at an at home daycare and I love it. The kids are all so sweet and they love me so much! I love that I'm excited to go to work, and that I don't dread my job.  All I've wanted since I was little like kindergarten is to be a mom. When I was in kindergarten I told my mo that I wanted to have 100 babies and when she told me I couldn't that it wasn't possible I said "that's ok mommy I'll start now!" I was 5 years old and wanted to have 100 babies! As elementary school progressed I brought that number down to 12 and that number stuck for awhile. In middle school it went down to 6 and that number stuck all through middle school it was a good number 3 girls 3 boys that's what I wanted. I never really thought of names like some girls though. Some girls have names and how apart the kids will be, but I'm not like that. I have one name picked out I will be naming my first daughter Quinn Elizabeth after Quinn from my earlier post.  Now I'm a junior in high school and I want 4 kids and I think that's where it will stay because I only have one sister and I hate it I mean I love my sister but I wish I had more siblings. I hope to have 2 boys and 2 girls and I hope I will be making enough money to adopt 2 kids. That's my family plan. If it wasn't obvious my plan also includes a husband I really don't plan on doing all that on my own.
xoxo Megan

Working Out...Oh God..

Working out. It's something we all do at some point in our lives and it usually sucks because we are usually out of shape and feeling fat and can barely do a mile on and treadmill... Well I've been working out since I was little but not like working out at a gym like doing sports I started gymnastics at age 2 and did it until I was 12. I did dance for a while and softball. I am still in volleyball but that's it now. Next year will be my 9th year doing volleyball. I work out at a gym now as well and I have a usual routine I run about a mile on an elliptical then walk a mile and a half on a treadmill then abs and last another mile on the elliptical. It's a good time. My wonderfully bratty boyfriend however will just show up and show me up as he works out.. He also has trouble gaining weight.... This why I randomly tell him to just get out. :) But I do love him but I have no issues gaining weight so he's a butt. Working out kind of suck because there are girls there with there make up done and cute clothes! WHY!!! Why the fuck do you need to look good when you're there to get sweaty! No point or the body builders who are there and I'm like dude you are done!!!! You are skinny and you have muscles so therefore I hate you. That's my gym rant!
xoxo Megan

Quinn's Quest

So I guess it's about time to get personal. I'm going to tell you about a family that I consider my second family. My close friends Payton, Orion, and Quinn are my "siblings" Eddie and Terri are my "parents" I love them so much they are my best friends. About 3 years ago Quinn who was about 7 at the time was complaining of headaches constantly. So Terri took him to the hospital and they found a tumor on his brain stem. He was flown to Iowa City to get cancer treatment. While he was in the hospital Orion and Payton stayed with me on and off for about 5 months. Exactly one month before his 8th birthday Quinn passed away.... I found out about this at volleyball from people who barely knew Quinn's family at all. I was heart broken. I spiral into my old depression it was awful, I began to cut myself... I cried for days on end. It's been about 3 years since he died and it still kills me inside to think about it. I miss him so much my little hockey player, the cutest kid I'd ever met. He will forever be my angel. Sorry  if I bummed you out. That's my sad story
xoxo Megan

Halloween

So Halloween is just around the corner and I will be going to two different Halloween parties one Saturday and one Sunday because I do not have school Monday! Yay end of quarter! Well the first one is at one of my best friends house it's Elizabeth who has a blog also http://white-girl-diaries.blogspot.com/ it's pretty funny. Well I'm going and I'm excited because I'm gonna half-ass being Iron Man, and for the one I have Sunday I think I'm going to be a greek goddess. I will be attending both with my wonderful boyfriend,  but I think he is wearing some morph suit which I'm not exactly happy about but it's whatever I love that boy anyway. I love Halloween yummy candy, fall leaves, scary movies I love it all!!! What's your favorite thing about Halloween and/or fall?
xoxo Megan

Relationships

On saturday Austin and I made it "Facebook official" meaning we are officially boyfriend & girlfriend blah blah blah shit no one cares about. It was really sweet he got me a beautiful necklace and some yummy nice chocolate. He's absolutely amazing and I love him, but that is beside the point. Relationships are hard and they take effort you don't just have a boyfriend or girlfriend and just do whatever you want. You need to spend time together and talk. You have to communicate. One of my friends sometimes seems obsessed with relationships which you'll never be happy in a relationship if you are just searching for one you have to let it happen when it is meant to happen. Don't rush into anything and don't push for it to happen if it's meant to happen it will.

The necklace

My Exhausted Life and The Drama That Goes With It

Soooo I know I haven't posted in a while and I am very sorry I've been utterly exhausted because I think I'm getting sick and my anemia is killing me. This will not stop me from posting though! So let me tell you the story of yesterday. This will take a little bit of a back story... I have this friend Sarah and she is adorable, I love her I really do. A few days back she looks at me in english and says "your boyfriend I'd date him." this made me laugh so hard so I respond with "That's funny but he loves me sooooo yeah" she then says "that's just cause he hasn't met me yet" which I thought was sooo funny. The next day she went on his facebook then his brother's facebook then his brother's fiance's facebook and then his step mom's facebook... STALKER but it was still funny. Austin, my boyfriend, thought that this was funny but creepy considering he doesn't actually know Sarah. Well yesterday she says to me "You should give me Austin's number but not tell him it's me that'd be funny" I replied with "Yeah no Sarah that's where I draw the line." and she laughed it off. I thought she had dropped it but then at lunch I got a text from Austin saying "Sarah sent me 64 texts in less than 5 min" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! I had absolutely no idea where she got his number I didn't give it to her, I knew my friends who have Austin's number wouldn't give it to her I was pissed. So I texted Sarah "Sarah who the hell gave you Austin's number?" She tries to tell me she got it online when I know he doesn't have it on his facebook or anything. I found out she got it from one of my exfriends who got it out of my friends phone without him knowing. This exfriend is an EXfriend for a reason she's a total bitch who always tried to flirt with Austin in front of me and then tell me we were "so cute together". So now this bitch Ashley has Austin's number and I'm not happy because I thought I was done with all her shit... Turns out no, but I'll be fine if I have to I'll cut a bitch. Well that was yesterday for me. I promise I'll post more often.
xoxo Megan

One of my favorite poems

This is a poem I had to find for school and fell in love with because it made me think about the people I'd lost...Specifically a very close friend of mine.. I'll tell you more about him another day.

Who Would You Be Today?

Joel Mckeown

Could you imagine a pain so deep down inside

That it can not be summarized in words you simply can write

A pain that touches your toes and up to the top of the ceiling

You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, that is the pain that I am feeling

But my father raised a boy that can stand on his own

But these different circumstances has got me feeling alone

All the doctors and the nurses say you’re dead and you’re gone

But it still feels like I could talk to you if I picked up the phone

You can’t fix a broken window you just replace the pane.

But there is no pain great enough to replace your face

With my eyes matted shut from the tears that I slept on

I thank God for the pictures and your voice on my cell phone.

But please, while you are awed in the mist of the Lord

Don’t forget all your friends and time spent on this world.

I will never have a friend like you ever again.

My heart is a vault now, I’m scared to let people in.

No matter how many oceans or rivers I cry

My heart will never let you go, I’ll never say good bye.

A lot of my hours are now spent in the place where you lay

As I sit crying, wondering, who would you be today.

Love.

The topic of love is a tricky thing. It's so complicated, sometimes you fall for someone and sometimes you fall in love with someone. There is a huge difference between the two but sometimes you do both for/with one person. When you fall for someone you just really like them and you can't guarantee that it will ever actually be love, but you know you care about them. When you fall in love with someone you know in your heart that you love them pretty much right away. It's kind of hard because you just want to say it but you don't want to rush anything. I've only been in love with one person and he's the most amazing person I've ever met. It's a wonderful feeling being in love. It's probably the happiest I've ever been. It's weird to be telling people I most likely don't know about this because it's so personal but it's good to talk about. Don't think that you need someone else to feel happy. You have to be happy with yourself first or it will never work out. Never ever think that you need someone else to be happy you can be very happy by yourself, better to be happy alone than sad in a relationship.
xoxo Megan

Math class and all it's evilness

I'm a junior in High School and it pretty much sucks. I HATE a lot of people in my grade they are mostly slutty, stuck up, rich bitches, and they're all stupid. But that's beside the point. The point is that being a junior I am in algebra 2 and don't get me wrong I'm good at math and I like algebra and solving equations (I know I'm nerdy) but seriously my teacher is killing me!! She does an okay job at teaching but she is so boring and isn't always the best at explaining how you get certain answers. I sit in the back, and I don't do anything because I basically already know all this crap from algebra 1. This is all such bullshit I need her to not be so boring and actually teach! It's also the last period of the day so you have got to be more interesting if you expect anyone to actually pay attention. That's me ranting about math class.
xoxo Megan

The Homecoming Hangover

Homecoming takes a lot out of you and you get kind of "hangover" whether thats literally or just metaphorically. Some girls took it to the extreme and went out drinking and got busted but didn't written up. These people got totally shit faced even though over half of them are starting varsity athletes and could have cost their teams chances at state or staying undefeated or whatever. Word of advice don't be a dumbass if you feel the need to party and get drunk don't be in a sport because if you're in a sport it isn't just about you! It's about the whole team. I have no sympathy for these people who brought this totally upon themselves, they are stupid and I wish they had gotten written up and what not. On the other side of things there is the metaphorical side of the Homecoming Hangover which is the week after homecoming where all you want to do is sleep and be lazy. You have no motivation to do anything. That is me right now I have no motivation. I slept so well last night! I just want to curl up and go back to sleep. That's the Homecoming Hangover.
xoxo Megan

Homecoming Dance

So last night was my junior year homecoming dance and even though my dress had to be pinned because it was way too big and my ankle was kinda sore it was really fun. My date was Austin he's my best friend and kind of my boyfriend. I've never had a date before it was a whole new thing for me but I really liked it. The music wasn't that great but it was still fun. I hope that everyone who has their Homecoming dance coming or had it recently went or is going because it's good to make the memories while you still can.
xoxo Megan

Whole Group

All the girls

Me, Elizabeth, Alissa, and Katie

Austin and I

Sports

Let's talk about sports. I love watching football and hockey those are my boy sports to watch. I play volleyball and love it. What I don't love are people who are annoying about sports. Like the people who are like my team is the best team and your team is awful. I'm from Chicago so I like the bears, the black hawks, and the cubs. I can't stand the boys who are like girls aren't allowed to like sports like shut the fuck up who cares if you're a girl and you like sports like sports! If anything I think that you should want to befriend or date a girl who likes sport because they'll probably be down to just hangout and watch the game. Also like the team from where you are from or close to where you are from because if you are a fan of a team just because they are good i might have to punch you in the face. Well that's my sports rant.
xoxo Megan

Homecoming Week

Homecoming week is a tricky topic, because everyone treats it differently. You have the try-hards the people who go all out for every theme of every day. The semi-try-hards who go all out on one or two of the themes because the have the stuff for it or they just really like it. The people who half-ass participate and like wear the homecoming shirt or do the basic line of trying. Last but not least the people who don't care and are totally against school spirit or think homecoming is the dumbest thing ever, they kind of suck because they go around spreading their teen angst. I'm in between sem-try-hard and half-ass participate. I'd participate a lot more if the themes we had were better. The theme this year is "Throwback to the fifties" which kinda sucks but oh well. I'm so excited for homecoming this year because I have the best date ever and a huge group of approximately 15 people. It kind of sucks because it will be homecoming in a splint for my ankle but oh well I'll make do. I just got my hair cut and I have my dress the perfect heels for pictures and my sister is coming home to do my hair I can't wait for saturday! I'll try to post pictures Sunday!
xoxo Megan

This is Me

Where do I start? My name is Megan Fox, I'm 16 and I live in Iowa. I'm a junior in high school. I have a black lab named Daisy and a cat named Percy. I have a 20 year old sister and a mom and a dad. My life is pretty average but hey that's the point of this blog. I have the best friends in the world. I play volleyball but right now I have a sprained ankle. For this blog I plan to try to help people through high school and rant about my life. I also plan to give a few of my friends the information to get on here so they can help to.
xoxo Megan

Left to right: Elizabeth, Me

My friends and I
Left to right:Emma Brenna
 Me Katie Sarah Rachel
Alissa & Hannah

First Post

Hey, so this is me trying to figure out all this layout stuff and figuring my life out. This will probably be kind of a ranty blog but I hope you can relate to it and will enjoy it. More to come
xoxo, Megan