Depression & Anxiety

So as most of you know I used to be suicidal and I still struggle with depression. Well I'm struggling right now and I don't really know what to do because there is no reason for it and that pisses me off like there is no reason! Like what the fuck!? I think it's partially because I've been feeling lonely even though I know that breaking up with my ex was the right thing to do still it doesn't mean I want to be alone. I'm sick of being the friend who helps guys get the girls they want when they are the guys I could want it's so frustrating! Like why do I have to want everyone else to be happy but I don't seem to want myself to be happy! I can't stand myself. I'm just kinda done trying. I'm done chasing after any guys if they want me come get me (but be gentlemen). I'm just done putting people who don't care about me ahead of myself.
Xoxo Megan

Family

I come from an averaged size family I have one sister and my two parents but on my moms side I have 4 cousins and 5 aunts and uncles. On my dads side I have 3 like "step cousins" and 2 real cousins and just 2 aunts and uncles. So it's not huge but it feels big when we are together. But I'm the youngest on my mom's side so I'm always treated like a baby and that kinda sucks but I deal with it. On my mom's side everyone is very critical and very obnoxious and it's hard for me to deal with but I love them and they're my family so whatever I guess... I have nothing to talk about so any suggestions email me at justyouraverageteengirl522@gmail.com please! 
Xoxo Megan

Sleepovers!!!

I'm sleeping over at my best friends house tonight and I'm so fucking pumped because my friends and I haven't had a sleepover in forever! If you have ever wondered what girls do at a sleepover I'm about to fill you in. We laze around and watch movies eating more food than you probably thought was humanly possible because fuck it we'll eat what we want we're all single aint got nobody to impress regularly! We wear sweats and our hair is messy, we usually don't have make up on, and we just laugh and have fun. We created a vine account you should all follow called white girls vine. It's super funny. We've decided to call Fridays that we hang out Fat Fridays :)

Xoxo Megan

Blabbering

Guys I have a problem I have this dream of a perfect guy that I can't seem to get out of my head and it's not like my what I want in a guy or the crush because I don't really have a crush anymore. I have this picture of a guy in my head but I can't really see his face he has dark dark hair and he is tall and he wears plaid with a superhero t-shirt underneath, jeans and converse. And he makes me laugh and feel safe and our hands just fit together perfectly. It's all I can think about because like I don't feel desperate like I want to be single (or at least I don't want to rush into something with the wrong guy) but I just can't get this shit out of my head! I want him to exist right now I want him to be here and I want to like want to get all dressed up for him and have him just be like wow, but at the same time when I'm scrubbing it I want him to be like "Hey sexy;)". This is what I want I want a guy that always makes me feel special but is my best friend. But I don't think he exists in my life right now... And that makes me really sad because I feel like he just should like I can picture him for the most part but other than that he's just in my imagination...
Xoxo Megan

Winter Break

So winter break is just around the corner I only have to make it to friday and then I'm done! Unfortunately I have finals after break so I get to study all break and feel stressed weeeeeee! How about no. I have so many test and quizzes this week its unreal I've already taken 2 and I have a test in Algebra on Friday and a Physics quiz! why are my teachers trying to kill me!? My algebra teacher has given so much homework and when I was talking to this guy this is what he said about my teacher "She is trying to kill us she tests our endurance by this thing she calls "homework" then weeds out the failures. Next she makes the victors compete in the warfare of "finals" only one shall pass" Haha best thing ever! I almost died when he sent that to me. Well school still sucks!
Xoxo Megan

Having a Crush

Crushes are awesome because it's kind of the whole getting to know you phase, and if they flirt and shit it's great but sometimes if you are romantically challenged it takes a lot to know if someone is flirting with you. On the other hand if you don't think they might like you back it's hell simply because you just don't know. I hate the whole not knowing thing it drives me up the wall. Crushes are stupid an they are called crushes because they crush you when they don't work out.
Xoxo Megan

This is so accurate

Clothes at School

So I've picked up a few things in high school especially with how people dress, and I'd like to tell you all about it. We have the girls who wear super cute nice clothes basically everyday they are either super self conscious and that's just how they feel comfortable orrrrr they are a total stuck up snob and you can usually tell like the first few days you see them. There are people who wear sweats everyday and those people are either total slackers or they are super cool and just don't give a fuck about how they dress. There are people like me who wear a hoodie with basically everything because they put comfort first. Then you have the jocks who are super proud of the fact that they are jocks and they wear some sort of sports apparel everyday like damn wear a different shirt man (but if its a boy it's kinda cute, depends on personality). Lastly the people who dress crazy and I do mean crazy there is a girl at my school with hair longer than mine who spikes it into a mohawk. That's really all I have to say.
Xoxo Megan

What I Like in a Guy

Let's start with a list shall we, no particular order I'll dive further into it in a moment
1. Funny
2. Sweet
3. Kind
4. Isn't a huge slacker
5. Likes to cuddle but isn't annoyingly touchy feely
6. Good looking
7. Active
8. Someone I can be comfortable with but still excited to see
9. My best friend but also someone I love
10. Not full of themselves
11. Doesn't text a bunch of other girls all the time

So those are some of the things I want in a guy. I want someone who makes me laugh because my dad is so funny and I love to laugh. Sweet because who wants to date an asshole? Same with kind. Even though I'm in high school I don't really want to be with someone who slacks off and doesn't care about school or where they are going with their lives. I'm not hugely touchy feely but I want someone who wants to hug and kiss and cuddle but not like on me while I'm trying to talk to my friends or whatever. Don't even try to call me a bitch for wanting someone good looking, everybody wants someone they find some what good looking. We all know physical attraction is what makes you want to talk to someone in the first place! I like active because I'm active and if the guy is sitting around while I'm out I feel awful. I love the nervous feeling when you see someone you like but you still comfortably talk to them. I want someone I can tell my secrets to but still finds me sexy and attractive. I personally find humble very attractive having a massive ego is a huge turn off! Texting like 5 other girls when you're dating me is a massive deal breaker sorry but no. That's what I want in a guy.
Xoxo Megan

Break Ups

So I really didn't want to have to write this but I feel it necessary considering I have shared so much of my life with all of you already, but This past week I broke up with my boyfriend and it was something I had wrestled with it for a couple of days. I had gone away for the weekend for thanksgiving at my aunts house. It sort of kick started in my head wondering if the relationship was right when I told him I was leaving for the weekend and he was all "I won't see you for three weeks omg even though we see each other at school everyday we won't be able to hang out outside of school"... I'm one of those girls who it's like oh we are hanging out? cool, oh you want a boys night? awesome that means I get a guilt free girls night, oh you pulled some super fun thing to do out of your ass? even better. I'm not a needy girlfriend and I can't handle a needy boyfriend!! I'm not that girl that has to talk to a boy 24/7, like yeah it's really fun when you are first getting to know each other and you text all the time and you never get bored of each other. That phase wears off and for me it wore off quickly... I like to sit at home and watch netflix, or when its super nice out I want you to be like wanna go get snowcones? (I love being outside but not when it's colder than frosty the snowman's balls!) I like being at my grandparents because I get to drive his gator and do target practice with his guns that's the kind of girl I am but don't think that means I don't like to look pretty while doing it. I had lost the want to look pretty for him I found myself constantly wearing sweats. You know that feeling when you like someone and the thought of seeing them gives you butterflies and you like that feeling because it means you're excited I never had that... Back to the story.. We were very different and not in a good opposites attract way. And it didn't exactly help that a cute boy who is best friends with my friends ex texted me that and he's really cool and more similar to me so that made it all kind of spiral. I talked to my friends and got their opinions and well we broke up the next day... But I'm not sad I think we both need people more similar ad who enjoy our stupid little quarks. That's all for now join me later to find out what I want in guy ;)
Xoxo Megan